Not Better or Worse, Just Different

I was at a community centre playgym this morning with my girlfriend and our gaggle of kids and was chatting with another mom that had recently given birth. She looked at my twosome and then looked at me and said, "Boy are you going to have your hands full when your due date comes!"

I just giggled and walked away, not sure how to respond. Sure I was wearing a fairly flowy and ambiguous blouse, and was standing with pretty sloppy posture. It was uncomfortable because I didn't want to embarrass her by letting her know that I wasn't actually pregnant, but what really bothered me was the surge of emotion that welled up inside me as I walked away.

The funny thing is, I'm okay with the changes in my body since having my girls - or so I thought. Why, as a society, are we so hung up on this? Why, as an active and healthy woman, am I?

In almost every prenatal class, I have one or two pregnant clients that are very anxious about weight gain. They ask me questions like "How long did it take you to lose your pregnancy weight?" and make comments like "You're so lucky to work out for your job, you must have gotten back into shape so quickly!" In the same vein, I have postnatal clients that are shocked to still look pregnant in the early months postpartum, as if by giving birth they should have noticed a more drastic change in their body weight and distribution. They are relieved to show up and see that almost everyone else in the same boat!

But it's all relative. Some clients come to class a few months postpartum looking like they haven't changed at all from their pre-baby selves. They certainly aren't given any sympathy, even though their old 'normal' might have Ultimate frisbee twice a week and marathon training three times a week and now they can't run without peeing themselves...

Time and time again, I remind clients that growing a baby takes 40 weeks and advise them to be equally patient with their postpartum bodies. We talk about how most women notice lasting changes in their bodies postpartum that have everything to do with with new and different habits postpartum. While our weight may be similar, our shapes can be totally different. Beautiful mommy muscles appear in the upper body with the lifting and carrying, soft curves from maternal fat stores shape our breasts, butts and abdomens. Strong glutes and quads from pushing strollers increase our lean muscle mass and sometimes push our weight above pre-pregnancy numbers even though we are fit and toned. In fact, some new moms talk about being in the best shape of their lives because they are so much more active as parents, and so much more invested in being good role models.

Do they weigh less or fit into their old clothes?

Does it matter, if they can still run and jump, play and laugh?

I've often referred clients to a great website called 'The Shape of a Mother', a blog that numerous women have contributed to in order to dispel the myths surrounding the postpartum body, and to give a little perspective on what is 'normal'.

Truth be told, I haven't stepped on a scale in a long time. I have no idea if I weigh the same or not (probably not), and I gave away the majority of my pre-baby clothing because it didn't suit my age or my lifestyle. Again, it's all relative to what your old 'normal' was. Waaaay back when I used to train for triathlon, I went over a year without a menstrual cycle due to a really low body fat percentage. In fact, to get pregnant and regain my cycle I had to lay off the training and put on a few pounds. Since then, I've taken pleasure in having a little curve below my bellybutton - it's what allowed me to have babies in the first place.

It's not better or worse. It's just different.

In the beginning of each of my prenatal classes, we do an 'around-the-room' of who we are and where we are in our pregnancies. Recently I asked the women to tell me something about pregnancy that has empowered them and one of the women said, "All my life, I've been very self-conscious about my body - but now I am really in awe of it!"

Her answer still makes me grin from ear to ear.